Much of the world’s philosophies teach us that women are “socially constructed” weak creatures, that women have to fight by men’s rules for the sake of success, and that girls who embrace their femininity rather than reject/exploit it are simply victims of the patriarchy. Because could you imagine being a girl who enjoys typically girly things? what kind of heinous act of injustice and idio—
This feminist angle is masked as an effort to protect women from falling to the traps of societal inferiority. The fight is supposedly against the inequality caused by males, however, this feels like an extraordinarily female vs. female issue. It is an intellectual extension of classic mean girl bullying. Hear me out. This philosophy (feminism) targets what’s naturally occurring in us because that very inner softness, nurture, and grace won’t bite back. Bullies love to go for what makes them seem big and powerful. Lack of challenge does just that.
They are right to some extent, the feminine traits of patience and grace don’t usually bite back. The docile woman doesn’t feel the need to fight against what feels safe to her. And often times, being a woman who is a woman is actually safe—operating in a way that is true and not contrarian to her nature. Fighting often is a result of feeling unsafe and I might argue that the push of feminism moves women toward situations where they feel unsafe. Danger breeds a new you. This isn’t inherently bad.
From a psychological standpoint, it’s important to look at why there is a need to fight and what is perceived as the threat versus a desire to fight and what is actually the threat. Femininity is caught in the crosshairs! It is fought against for the sake of professional acceptance, it is the perceived threat that makes women feel unsuccessful and it is the very thing that doesn’t desire a fight nor is it the real threat. The real threat is the pain and confusion that drives the bully to displace anger on the very same confused, wounded feminine inside of her.
Feminism becomes insidious causing women to hate themselves for the very nature of their essence. This is the source of confusion and pain. Women want men to validate them and do so perversely by seeking to be validated by the standards of men. Yet, the sexes were created—equal in importance but—different in essence! And essence is meaning, the wounded girl feels meaningless unless she is perceived as worthy in the man’s world.
She may never feel worthy if her worth is based on warping herself to fit the roles of the opposite sex. She may never feel validated if men are not seeking to validate masculinity in women but rather admire the mystery and beauty of femininity in women. She may neither feel validated even if she were to remain feminine because the only way to feel validated is to be honest with yourself. To act truthfully in accordance with God’s design on your life.
The case is of classic emotional and mental abuse that young girls use to bully each other. The lovely, quiet girl with innate and passionate interests of her own bullies herself into the obsessed, robust woman trying to reach success. Unfortunately, in this fight against man, the woman attacks the feminine girl.
It is a losing situation as she grows colder and more distant from the feminine girl inside of her who needs healing.
I write this because:
Becoming a mother to a young girl has taught me to appreciate the nature of the feminine being God created, us, women to be. Becoming a mother to a daughter showed the wounds blown by my own inner bully who told me that in order to be successful I had to be rigid, hard, and neglectful of the soft and creative girl I once was. Becoming a mother taught me that it is unhealthy to stuff your emotions because they get in the way of productivity. Becoming a single mother taught me how difficult it is to be apart from your baby to go work. Becoming a single mother taught me that men and women have each a naturally (biologically) distinct design for the purposeful and emotional roles they are to serve.
Also, if I learned anything I learned that it hurts a lot trying to be what you’re not especially when you’ve got little eyes looking up to you.
Eyes who need to see the truth.
And the truth, for me, is that I love being a girl mom because I can learn about femininity and model it for my daughter! It is natural for us to be natural.