Truthfully, I don’t know what to write about. I’ve got a long list of drafts, and a longer running lists of “to-write” ideas but nothing seems interesting. Right now, my brain is so clouded with school and baby shower things that I can’t think straight.
I could write about Thanksgiving but would my gratitude list just repeat what everyone else is saying during this holiday season? By the way, my Thanksgiving was quite enjoyable and I am entirely grateful for the family that I have. A truly Godly family who has been there for me unconditionally, blessed me and served me even when I did not deserve it. Growing up and reflecting on my “adolescence,” I’ve come to realize how much I turned away from my family. I’m so glad to have had a place to return to.
Unfortunately, I do come from a broken home. My immediate family is maternal. This side of the family knows me at my heart and has taken care of me my whole life. And they will be the ones taking care of my baby. I have come to associate with my father’s side of the family as I’ve gotten older but, there is still a deep distance there.
People like me understand that blood does not equal family. Relation does not mean relationship. That can be a tough thing to understand until you become an adult. Especially as a child, it’s unfair, painful, and impacting. Situations like these often breed resentment and anger, envy (I’ve been jealous of other people’s fathers before), distrust, and a whole host of other insecurities about love and relationships.
I saw a meme this week that said the holidays can be a hard time for people with broken families. And it’s true. Especially for people spending a significant amount on social media… Images of big happy families–enjoying beautiful dinners or bonding activities–that scream “love” can make people who don’t have this experience feel incomplete and inadequate.
Not because we are actually incomplete or inadequate but because of the confusion about this underlying, unresolved familial pain.
We like to point at traditional families and say that these expectations are harmful, they hurt those who don’t have the same. That’s not true, the brokenness and dysfunction is what hurts. Not the image. The joy that these perfect, happy families (I’ll let you in on a secret, they are not actually perfect) have is a sign that they are doing something right. Happy families who make good livings, do fun activities, and get to share love are blessings. Not only to their families but to their communities. I am grateful for those people, far and near, who have fought against life’s trials and maintained great family foundations through strong bonds with their loved ones. I am now learning from you. Because God gave us the family foundation so we could live a successful life–yes, it does start with a Father, Mother, Kids and then all the grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins to enjoy.
“How good and pleasant it is
when God’s people live together in unity!“
I cannot control the fact that things didn’t work out with half of my family, I cannot control the fact that the same burden has been extended to me and my new family. Bad things happen. Especially when you’re living in sin. Pain of distrust, betrayal, abandonment does not come from the “impossible” standard God gave us. It comes from the dark realities of humanity, the places where people fall into temptation and commit sins against their own blood.
See, family matters. It always has and it always will. It’s the foundation that God gave us. He wanted us to be loved, to love, and to be fruitful.
I can be grateful for the family that I do have. The family that goes out of their way to make sure I am taken care of. That’s changing their lives to help me support a little one. For the friends who have become family. Remember blood is not the qualifier! I am grateful for the friends who love and support me, who give me their empathy and understanding just like my family does. I am not easy to understand (I’m pretty easy to misunderstand), and there are people who have chosen to give me love through all my complications.
I thank God for the people He has placed in my life, whether to serve as a lesson or to bless me.
I am thankful for the family who could not be there for me. You’ve helped me navigate with open eyes. You’ve also taught me how to love people that have wronged me. You’ve helped me find peace in God’s quiet love.
Today, this month, this year, I am especially thankful for the people that make sure I’m doing well. You all know who you are, I am blessed to have you in my journey. You have taught me about reliability and patience. You have taught me that love is easier than it seems.
I am also thankful for my family in Christ, you all support and encourage me through your faith whether you know it not. You have taught me that our divine purpose is no mistake.
Of course, I am grateful that I have such a good, good Father up above. The perfect caretaker who blesses me with each breath I take. I know that He will continue to bless me and my family, I only pray that this love and gratitude persists until the end of our days.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
p.s. I wrote about thanksgiving, haha